Humour is in the Ear of the Beholder
by rhyejess
Summary: James buys a Zonko's badge that detects whether someone has a sense of humour. Sirius/Remus.


It was a sunny and hot day in Hogsmeade that September for their first Hogsmeade weekend. The Marauders, with their priorities clearly in order, headed straightaway for Zonko's. Sirius, most eager, was already halfway down the aisle with his hand in something.

"This is brilliant," Sirius exclaimed, holding up some knick-knack he had found.

"What's that then? James asked, meeting him at the end of the Zonko's aisle.

"It's a detector. It detects when someone has a sense of humour. But I think this one's broken. Or else it should be going off."

James plucked the small button from Sirius's fingers. It immediately started beeping. "Seems alright to me," James answered, laughing at the affronted expression on Sirius's face. Sirius stuck his whole hand into the bin, and not one of the detectors beeped. When James did the same, a cacophony of beeping followed.

"Bollocks," Sirius grumped.

James just laughed harder. "I'm buying this," he held the small beeping button aloft. "I can finally prove that Moony has more of a sense of humour than you."

"I _promise_ you that if it didn't go off for me, it won't go off for him."

"Yup," James nodded, "We'll see."

*****

Much to Sirius's chagrin, the little button chirped merrily the instant it was deposited into Remus's hand. Peter snatched it up with excitement, but it made no noise for him. In frustration, he hurled it across the dorm room.

"Everyone knows Zonko's stuff's rubbish," Peter proclaimed.

"Here here," Sirius answered. "Though I can see why it won't go off for Peter."

"Hey!"

Remus shook his head, a small conspiratorial smile on his face. "Just admit it, Padfoot. You have no sense of humour."

"I do to! Just listen. There were these students taking an exam. One student stood and took off his clothes. When the professor asked him what he was doing, he said, 'I'm doing just what the exam said.' 'Whatever do you mean,' asked the professor. The student says, 'It says to answer in brief.'"

No on laughed.

"Oh come on. That was funny."

"Not especially," Remus answered.

"You." Sirius stood and pointed at Remus. "You are supposed to be my bloody _boyfriend_. You are _obligated_ to laugh at my jokes."

"Right, sorry, thanks for letting me know. I'll practice my acting then," Remus answered flatly.

James laughed, and Sirius immediately turned on him.

"That wasn't funny."

"Yeah, it kind of was."

Sirius turned and left the room.

*****

"What about this one. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says-"

"Why the long face," Peter, Remus, and James answered in unison.

"How did you know that's what I was going to say. It might not have been!"

James laughed, "But it _was_."

Sirius sank further into his seat.

*****

"The badge isn't being fair, Sirius. You are funny," Remus said one morning over breakfast.

"Thank you Moony."

"I laugh at you all the time."

Sirius paused, a little less sure whether this was still a compliment.

"Yeah," James jumped in, "You're funny."

Sirius nodded, feeling better already.

"Funny looking," James added.

Sirius stormed away from the table.

*****

"What is a Keeper's favorite snack?"

Three blank faces stared at Sirius.

"Beans on post!"

"Eew," James grimaced.

"I could go for beans on toast," Peter answered.

No one laughed.

*****

Sirius had given up. He was laying in bed, staring up at the canopy. "Who am I, Moony, if I'm not funny."

"Sirius, you're not still upset about that silly badge are you?"

"No," Sirius huffed and pouted.

Remus sat on the edge of Sirius's bed and pushed him to indicate that he budge over, then Remus lay down next to Sirius, watching the canopy with him.

"Your whole personality doesn't revolve around what you think about your own sense of humour, I hope."

"So what if it does?"

"You've got far more assets than that, that's all."

"If you're not with me for my humour, why then?"

"I _do_ find you funny. So what if some Zonko's bade doesn't?"

"Yeah?" Sirius turned to him. "You liked my jokes?"

"Err." Remus grimaced. "No."

"But you said-"

"This whole thing, though. It's hilarious. You've overreacting to a Zonko's _pin_. _That's_ funny."

"So you're laughing _at_ me."

"I'm not with you because of that anyway. I don't find the same things funny as you do. I don't find hexing Slytherins funny, Sirius."

"Then why? Why are you with me?" Sirius seemed genuinely confused.

Remus propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at Sirius. "It's this."

"This what?"

"It's touching, getting to see this. You have this whole 'devil may care' attitude, but underneath it you are so insecure, and I find your complexity beautiful."

Sirius blushed and turned away.

"I find your blush beautiful, too."

*****

Remus found it in the girls' section, but he didn't care. It was another Zonko's badge. The bin beeped when he plucked one out, and he smiled, secretly pleased with himself. He bought it and carried it back to Gryffindor Tower, leaving the package on Sirius's bed. He watched Sirius open it that evening.

Just as he predicted, the little buzzer went nuts in Sirius's hand, screeching its little heart out. It was much louder for Sirius than even for Remus, and he smiled. 'Good catch, Remus, you cad,' he told himself, watching the little buzzer trying to tear itself to bits.

Sirius held up the heart-shaped pink badge. "Alright. Whose is this then?"

"Yours," Remus shrugged.

James blinked back and forth between the two of them. "Should Pete and I leave?"

Remus and Sirius ignored him. "What does it detect?" Sirius did not look amused. It had clearly come from the girls' aisle, after all, so who could blame him.

"I know that one," James piped up. "It detects beauty or something. I wanted to get one for Lily. But I'm sure she'd smash it to bits."

Sirius threw it to James, who caught it deftly. The alarm was still sounding loudly.

"Can't detect beauty then," Sirius said.

Remus laughed.

"See!" Sirius pointed at Remus. "I _am_ funny."

"It detects beauty," Remus answered quietly. "Inward beauty."

A hushed silence fell over them as James watched the little buzzer sound in his palm. He threw it to Peter, who fumbled and dropped it. When he picked it up again, it did not beep.

"Sod it," Sirius said. "It's alright Pete. I'm funny and you're alright. These Zonko products are a load of rubbish."

"Yeah," Peter answered, blushing.


End file.
